Damn... this is too long to proofread.< > < > I'm currently trying to coach a buddy through similar issues, heh. Sounds like the two of you have similar issues. The secret to relationships is not to make yourself too available. Never fall into the trap of being "the nice guy". That's not saying you have to be a dick, but don't crawl up a chick's butt.< > < > It's funny - the car situation you describe is one I yelled at him about. You probably need to close encounters more tightly. < > < > Don't linger in that small talk crap. Seriously, "nice guys" get this idea they're getting to know somebody. Nope, you're tripping into the category of BORING! Sure, women SAY they wan't conversation, but they don't. < > < > The small gathering was a nice start, but you need to treat that like a first date and close it appropriately. It sounds like you did OK, but when you walked her to your car you partially buggered it up. Don't stand around chatting. You might think it's nice, but there's a chance it's awkward. My buddy and I just had this talk. When you walk someone to their car, you need to do this:< > < > Say: "I had a great time, it was awesome meeting you."< > Extend your right hand to shake hers.< > She'll shake your hand (maybe a hug or peck, go with it if she does).< > When she grasps your right hand, you put your left hand on hers - effectively trapping hers.< > Make eye contact and say, "I'm looking forward to getting to see you again. I'll give you a call."< > Let her say something as you give her hand a gentle shake. < > Don't hold this more than 20-30 seconds.< > Let go say, "Goodbye".< > Let her say bye.< > Turn and walk away.< > < > Standing around drags out the situation. It sucks mystery or excitement from the encounter. 99% of the time, you're better off with the quick close and leave.< > < > This first encounter close rules the world for the following reasons:< > #1 - it's more intimate than a regular handshake. The clasp and eye contact says, "I would like to fuck you someday".< > #2 - it's quick, so she doesn't have to worry about you trying to tongue wrestle her.< > #3 - it shows you respect her space< > #4 - it's quick, and if she likes you, it will make her want you MORE than if you stood around jerking off< > #5 - it's quick, and if she thinks you're a pud, you didn't waste a ton of time.< > < > Married with Children is a great show. There is one line from it that effectively says: "within 10 minutes of meeting a guy, a girl knows whether she's going to sleep with him".< > < > That's good fucking advice, and dead on in 99% of situations.< > < > So - be quick. Don't fall into the "i'm a nice guy and I want to get to know someone". Nope - that's pure douchebag and will lead to frustration.< > < > Get in and out of the first 2 dates as quick as you can. But, you have to follow the general rules:< > 1. First date can be about anything. As long as the event lasts over 2 hours, it counts. Use the handshake close.< > 2. Second date needs to be on a weekend night and be official. Don't dick around with "half-dates". You know: things like meeting for lunch or dropping into her work to say HI. It kills the mystique. < > 3. ALWAYS go for a small kiss on the second date. YOu don't have to suck face, but if a girl won't give you anything at all on the second date: she thinks you're a douche.< > < > < > Cicely, those are general tips for the future.< > Within the first 10 minutes of meeting, she knew whether she was interested. If she wasn't interested, there's nothing you could do to change it. If she was interested, you could hose it up by being too needy.< > < > Honestly, if she was standing 6-10 feet away, it sounds like you had already gotten lumped into the "friend" category. However, if she was interested, the long conversation at the car could ice it. Next time, close faster - in and out. Frankly, she didn't know you that well and the situation could have intimidated her.< > < > The Easter call was bad. One of the secrets of calling girls is to hedge your bets. Try to get a feel for when they'll be available so you don't have to drive yourself crazy wondering if they intentionally avoided your call. Never call on holidays or wierd hours. If they work a 8-5 job, call between 7pm-8pm. That's the best spot. For peope with odd schedules, you have to think it through.< > < > If she was interested, odds are the drop-in at work was the death sentence. It's just a little too much. Any time you don't get a return phone call, there's a minimum 3 day cool off period. The worse thing you can do is follow up quickly.< > < > The reason is this: if she doesn't like you - your clinginess confirms that in her mind and eliminates any possibility at all. If she does like you and was sincerely tied up, you're putting doubts in her head.< > < > < > I have written a ton and not helped you at all.< > < > Here's how you resolve the situation:< > < > You don't call her this week until Sunday at 7pm.< > If she calls you, great - she's interested. ASk her on a date. < > If she doesn't call you, odds are she's not interested. < > However, that doesn't mean you have to 100% give up.< > Call her Sunday at 7pm-ish. < > Make small talk for 5-10 minutes. < > NO LONGER!< > Don't fool yourself into thinking a 2 hour conversation means she wants to hump you. If she likes you at all - 5-10 minutes is all you need.< > < > Wrap the conversation up with:< > "hey, I need to get some stuff done around the house, but I thought I'd give you a holler. I was going to see if you wanted to do something this weekend, but I was wrapped up. BUt, I was wondering if you had any free time this coming weekend to ..."< > fill in the blank. I highly recommend comedy clubs for first dates. They're a safe alternative.< > < > If she makes an excuse why she can't - let it go at, "that's cool - here's my number if you get a free minute, give me a buzz later this week."< > < > If her excuse is legit - she'll call. If she doesn't call, you're done and need to move on.< > < > You're probably fighting an uphill battle on this one, but I've seen stranger turn-arounds < > < > Good luck!
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