Today, I used the restrooms at the shopping mall. The cleaning lady stepped in after me, immediately turned around and very demonstratively started spraying air freshener. FML

Today, the bus driver joked that he hadn't heard of my suburb, then said that he was just having me on, this was the right bus. Ironically, it wasn't. I had to walk an hour in the dark to get home. Three of the right buses passed me during my walk. FML

Today, we had company over. I made meatballs in one pot and some Little Smokie sausages in the other for appetizers. I thought nothing of it until my father-in-law pointed out I was serving balls and wieners for Christmas. FML

Today, my dad had a go at me because he thought I was embarrassed by him and that was why I never invited any of my friends over. I was too embarrassed to tell him it's actually because I don't have any friends to invite over. FML

Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML

Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML

Today, while dancing with a guy, I felt my hair being pulled hard. I turned around and hit him. He looked shocked so I said it was for pulling my hair. It actually had got caught on the button of his shirt. We spent the next 5 minutes untangling my hair. FML

Today, the guy that has been obsessively stalking me told me he's moving to South America. I was ecstatic. A few hours later, he showed up at my house and yelled, "Surprise! Did you miss me?" He was bluffing. FML

Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML

Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. On the way out, we saw the mall Santa and decided to take photos with him. When we got home, I noticed her purse was gone. I asked her about it, and she said she left it with Santa so he could buy her all the toys she asked for. FML