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Today, I used the restrooms at the shopping mall. The cleaning lady stepped in after me, immediately turned around and very demonstratively started spraying air freshener. FML
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Today, the bus driver joked that he hadn't heard of my suburb, then said that he was just having me on, this was the right bus. Ironically, it wasn't. I had to walk an hour in the dark to get home. Three of the right buses passed me during my walk. FML
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Today, we had company over. I made meatballs in one pot and some Little Smokie sausages in the other for appetizers. I thought nothing of it until my father-in-law pointed out I was serving balls and wieners for Christmas. FML
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Today, my dad had a go at me because he thought I was embarrassed by him and that was why I never invited any of my friends over. I was too embarrassed to tell him it's actually because I don't have any friends to invite over. FML
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Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML
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Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML
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Today, while dancing with a guy, I felt my hair being pulled hard. I turned around and hit him. He looked shocked so I said it was for pulling my hair. It actually had got caught on the button of his shirt. We spent the next 5 minutes untangling my hair. FML
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Today, the guy that has been obsessively stalking me told me he's moving to South America. I was ecstatic. A few hours later, he showed up at my house and yelled, "Surprise! Did you miss me?" He was bluffing. FML
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Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML
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Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. On the way out, we saw the mall Santa and decided to take photos with him. When we got home, I noticed her purse was gone. I asked her about it, and she said she left it with Santa so he could buy her all the toys she asked for. FML