One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.< > Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What< > setting do I use on the washing machine?"< > < > < > "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"< > < > < > He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."< > < > < > And they say blondes are dumb...< > < > ********************************************************< > < > < > A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest< > woman in the world."< > < > The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."< > < > < > ****************************************************************************< > ***********************< > < > "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of< > the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed< > the lawn like this?"< > < > < > "Probably that I married you for your money," she! replied.< > < > *********************************************< > < > < > He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good< > idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.< > < > *********************************************< > < > < > Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?< > < > A: A rumor< > < > *************************************************< > < > < > A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were cele ating their 40th wedding< > anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that< > because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The< > wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.< > < > < > Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.< > < > < > The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...< > Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!< > < > **********************************************< > < > < > A PRAYER....< > < > < > Dear Lord,< > < > < > I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;< > < > < > Love to forgive him;< > < > < > And Patience for his moods.< > < > < > Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,< > < > < > I'll beat him to death.< > < > < > AMEN< > < > **********************************************< > < > < > Q: Why do little boys whine?< > < > A: They are practicing to be men.< > < > < > Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?< > < > A: Trustworthy.< > < > < > Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for eath and< > calling your name?< > < > A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.< > < > < > Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?< > < > A: To stop the snoring before it starts.< > < > < > Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?< > < > A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.< > < > < > Q: What is the difference between men and women?< > < > A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman< > to satisfy his one need.< > < > < > Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?< > < > A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
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