Cobra Commander was failshit. Treant Reznor with a resperator, then he facefucks the mask from Jason X.

Marlon Wayans was terrible as expected. Thankfully Ripcord was a useless Joe anyway. He's in a Cobra Nightraven, the guns are voice activated and only respond to a single trigger word, and you have to yell it. WHAT WORD COULD IT BE YOU ASK?

Not what I thought it would be, thats for sure.

Baroness was fucking smoking. So was Scarlet. Cover Girl....AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

This movie was two hours of cars flipping over and people kissing that shouldn't be kissing. Two hours and you get one YO JOE and zero COOOOOOOOBRAAAAAAAA. Better than the bullshit that was Megan Fox's Ass 2: Revenge of the Fallen tho.

But be warned, if you go into this movie expecting it to follow comic or series, you will probably charge the screen in anger about 15 mins in.

Trailer for 9 was pretty epic.

DIstrict 9 looks really good, I hope you didn't pay money to see that shit Givin =\

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He isn't talking about District 9... he is talking about 9. New film by Tim Burton, comes out 9-9-09. Pretty amazing computer animation I must say.

I went into GI Joe expecting an awful, horrible movie. But you know what? I enjoyed myself. It was non stop action. It was mindless. It was fun. I had a good time watching it, and would actually go see it again.

It is like the Paramount producer/spokesperson who was asked why they did not release GI Joe to critics beforehand (which usually is a sign of a crappy movie). Basically he said "Look. We are GI Joe. It is a movie based on toys. We are not Citizen Kane, we are not Schindler's List. We are who we are- a movie based on toys. You are gonna get lots of action, and you are gonna have fun." Or something to that extent...

I am sure I liked it because I set my bar way too low. Then again I did the same for Transformers 2 (and other similar movies) and did not have as much fun as I did watching GI Joe.

And Baronness and Scarlett... wow. I like

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WHY did you guys see this movie?

I was going to say the same thing too, joxur haha

Shrug. I grew up playing GI Joe. I owned most of the figures and toys. It is part of my childhood, I dunno.

Honestly, I expected a damn awful movie. It really was pretty good if you like non stop action. Sure it didn't raise my IQ at all, but for almost two hours I enjoyed myself and had fun watching a movie.

Not every movie has to be intellectually stimulating with an amazing plot and character development

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This coming from you.

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Kuwen Furyblades
Hunter of Memento Reejeryn
Champion of Faydark

I saw it because it was free, Base Theatre got free screening on 7/31, think it was at most military bases for free screening a week before release.

I've only read 2 reviews and gotten Givin's opinions about the movie so far...but lets be a bit fair.

Hasbro entrusted Transformers to the guy who made Bad Boys/The Rock/Armageddon, 3 highly successful but intellectually stimulating movies. No matter what your opinion is about Bay's movies, they make money hand over fist regardless of how cheesy some of them end up being.

They then gave G.I. Joe to the guy who did The Mummy Movies (plus The Scorpion King) and Van Helsing...3 special effect movies which were pretty much 1 weekend wonders at the box office and are now pretty much gathering dust in $5.00 bins at Walmart. This guy could fuck up a wet dream.

The overall issue is that the case of both Transformers AND G.I. Joe, we're talking about huge international franchises that deserved better...a lot better then what they got in terms of being translated to film. I don't really blame the director's as much as I blame the screenwriters/screenplays and of course the Casting Directors. Marlon Wayans should never be in a movie...ever. He's the worst of the Wayans. As for casting Megan Fox, her role in both Transformers movies could have been done by a deaf dumb and blind girl with elephantitis and it would've been just about the same.

Oh well. I guess the unoriginality of Hollywood has got to keep rolling. I guess doing movies based on toy franchises is better then doing one on Social Networking sites...Oh wait, isn't there a movie about Facebook in the works?

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; -)

I really can not express how terrible the Cobra Commander character is in this movie. I really wish they would have called it The Mummy 4 instead of G.I. Joe.

Funny, I was wondering what they'd do with Cobra Commander, and I'm sad to hear it sucks.

I was sorta looking forward to this. But, sounds like it's not even a fanboy's fun-time

I was highly disappointed with Cobra Commander as well.

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How disappointed am I about Cobra Commander? So much so that I will spoil it for everyone and save you said disappointment.



On the left is Cobra Commander, referred to 3/4 of the movie as "The Doctor". One would think at first "Man, Dr. Mindbender got fucked up." since they are dealing with mind controlling nanomachines and all that shit. Too bad we find out he is just the Baroness's brother named Rex who went off with Duke to some sandy place that looked like Somalia "I wasn't paying attention" and ran into a building and found some hairy man making Nanomachines and he just happened to have a portable hard drive on him so he copied all the files for himself. The hairy man turns out to be Dr. Mindbender and they survive the building they are in being nuked because they shut the door.

Well, Duke had promised the Baroness he'd bring her brother home when he proposes to her but he didn't so she gets pissed and goes off and within 4 years she gets trained by Storm Shadow to be kung fu ninja bitch of own as well as joining up with M.A.R.S. *NOT COBRA LOOOOOOOOOOL* And there is a lot more stupid horseshit but it's not worth telling.

Oh yeah, on the right is Destro. Cobra Commander shoots him up full of Nanomachines too and now he's under his control.

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Destro isn't all fucked up with a silver face?

Edit - nevermind, read the spoiler.

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http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/enterta ... -hold.html



...

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The Ballad of G.I. Joe

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/076041 ... joe#player

Better than the movie.

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Who does the guy on the right play? I actually know that guy as "The Doctor" from another show. XD

He plays Destro.

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Oooh. :O

Aw, crap, that IS The Doctor. I didn't even recognize him there.

Potential spoiler:

http://www.pvponline.com/2009/08/11/joe ... he-battle/

I say potential, because I haven't seen the movie yet, but if fucking Kurtz fucking spoiled the fucking movie with his goddamn webcomic, I'll hunt his big, fat ass down.

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I don't know I liked this movie, it's not a good movie by any stretch, but I'm pumped for GI Joe 2: Snake Eyes Kicking Ass For Two Hours. I liked the flashbacks thrown in at seemingly random spots just because there's no real other action to get to at the moment, and the scientist who turns out to have a heart of gold after having her ways tested not at all. Marlon Wayans wasn't nearly as irritating as I thought he would be , and The Stop Loss Guy was serviceable as a no-skills-required Duke. I did like the way Duke and Rip were somehow able to leave the army for this top-secret group without any administrative difficulty. Don't you have to be discharged?

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I know I'm a horrible person, but there's something that gives me a warm fuzzy feeling witnessing all the rage (not necessarily here, but elsewhere on them thar wabz) over a bastardized version of 80's toy commercials.

I liked it. It was funny and entertaining. I geeked out when Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow were fighting.

The only thing I think it was missing would have been if while they ran the credits they showed some kids doing something stupid and then one of the Joes show up and tell them the right thing to do followed by a "Thanks GI Joe. Now I know." and a "And knowing is half the Battle."

Oh, and it would've been funny if someone asked what they were serving in the Mess and someone said "Pork Chop Sandwiches" followed by Blow Torch running by going "Pork Chop Sandwiches!" And in a semi related note...

"In the upcoming movie tie-in video game, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, the developers Double Helix Games had planned to include the line "Porkchop Sandwiches" from one of Fensler's film as an exclamation, and had every voice actor record that line for its use. However, Hasbro rejected its use, citing the need to avoid damaging pending lawsuits."

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It's kinda funny you mention that. When you think about it, our cartoons growing up were so unbelievably shitty.

Thundercats
He-Man
GI Joe
Transformers
Silverhawks
She-Ra
Gem (ya I watched it)
Gummy Bears
Captain N

Sure, they had some semi-memorable characters, but it was essentially the exact same plot and characters every week. When you compare that to Warner Bros. and the brilliance that came before - and even the awesome cartoons that followed... our childhoods stunk.

This stuff wasn't cheesy...it was the definition of 80s/90s awesome!



How can you not love Silverhawks? Michael Bay needs to jump on this shit right here!

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Uhh Orme, maybe you feel that way because you watched Gem.

Dude, you are on crack. Our cartoons rocked.

Yeah, you're pretty much wrong about all of that. Sorry your childhood was a pile of shit.

Those cartoons are amazing.

You've lost all of your criticism privileges, Orme.

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World of Warcraft: Kallaystra, Gweila, Steakumn, Tarathia [ Feathermoon/Horde ]

Viewed through the lens of nostalgia; the cartoons of the 80’s for boys (primarily) were wondrous and full of lights interesting concepts and sounds/

Not seen for a decade or more, then brought back before the eyes of an adult. The cartoons or the 80’s were, shit. Badly edited, in many cases mis colored, choppy, stupid stories, and blatant toy commercials.

And this spoken from a teenage fan who racked up a small, (By comparison to some) 150+ Transformer Toy collection. I also got every copy of the Comic, the movie adaptation (and the movie on Tape), the Gi Joe Versus Transformers comics, the Transformers Universe comic, and was geek enough to try and chase down the Transformers UK comics, including partial appearances comics like Death’s Head. (Establishing obvious Teenage nerd cred there)

Point being. I went full bore on the 80’s comic scene and nerd raged when Disney took over my after school afternoons for 4 years in the end. (Darkwing Duck was the shit though…)

And I see the 80’s cartoons now, and I gag and wonder how I could have liked that stuff,

Now as for Givin and this

Well DUH! OF course the “TECH SCIENTIST” they brought along to send into the building to find out what information was available had some kind of Data Storage device! What’d you expect them to have him do? Pull out a pad of paper and a pen nub to write down whatever it was he found on the computers?

{quote] "I wasn't paying attention" [/quote]

Obviously.

Before you crap on a movie, try actually paying attention to it first.

Now this is not to say I didn’t think the movie was good or bad personally.

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"People sometimes say that ideas cannot be stamped out by force. The Albigensian Crusade proves them wrong. Ideas can be stamped out by the elimination of everyone who holds the ideas." - Quote :"Middle Ages" by Morris Bishop.

God damn you're fucking stupid.

I rarely agree with gwiber, but I think he's right here. Guess I'm "fucking stupid" too.

Yep.

Douchenozzle!

Every reason he is crying about how they make him gag now, only makes them even more enjoyable to watch. Seeing the wrong characters in the background, duplicate characters, wrong characters talking.

Its great fun to laugh at and notice these things. You see an episode you liked as a kid, Oh hey I remember this, it was great. Or hey this episode was pretty bad. And then you notice all the shit that went wrong and laugh. Duke is talking through Flint, or what the shit, some Cobra trooper just crashed through the window on a 4 wheeler and rammed into a giant barbarian man and got thrown the fuck through a wall, what was that shit.

You dont think people notice the complete shit dialog Thundercats had? Lion O's retarded inner monologue. Every G.I. Joe episode pretty much being the same except the mix up the Joe/Cobra team? Cobra builds awesome device, fucks up the Joes, device explodes into 3 parts, they have the rest of the week to get it back. Cobra and G.I. Joe each get one piece and some random group/person gets the third. Joes win. Who gives a shit that you could cross pretty much any kids cartoon over with one another and not fuck with the "plot". Who cares about the plot anyway? It's fun mindless male action.

It's the same exact bullshit people say about classic movies today. How many people do you think could sit through Citizen Kane or some old Flash Gordon?

And besides, who gives two shits about what somebody who cried for at least two threads about mounts in cities destroying his WoW experience thinks. Or somebody who thinks his shitty computer is Steams fault. Dumb fisheyed gaggot has probably waited years probably just to say "HAHA Givin didn't pay attention to what shithole desert country the Joes went to! I got him!"

No shit, I was too busy facepalming over stupid fucking Cobra Commander backstory.

I just can't watch things age. I have fond memories of my childhood television, but I can't watch them today because they point out how much of my perception was flawed and hit that my current perception is equally flawed.

I also find I'm typically alone (or relatively so) in my opinion. My father fucking loves old black and white westerns. I tried sitting through them. I can't stomach the acting. It's just bad. Horribly bad. And that's not even touching the moral and censorship factors.

I've just come to the conclusion that what I liked a decade ago is shit now, and what I like now will be shit in 10 years. Times change, I'll move with them.

I'm 34 now, and I vaguely remember watching Transformers, He-Man, and GI Joe when I was 10ish? Can't recall specifically. Even at that age I remember being annoyed. Again - I'm not saying I was a critic and wanted perfect editing and sharp dialog. I could care less.

But I remember being annoyed that Cobra ALWAYS lost, and lost badly.
I remember the only time I really enjoyed Transformers was when the big Constuctacon super-robot would appear and sometimes hurt somebody. And I always felt horrible for Skeletor and his stupid minions.

Those cartoons were very shitty toy commercials.

When they made the Joe Movie with the snake man who threw snake spears, I remember Duke getting hit and a little ketchup stain of blood being on his shirt. I specifically remember hoping he would die or something bad would happen. Maybe I was twisted... but I know I was bored.

That's what made the Transformers movie (the real one) so awesome - the good guys got their living asses kicked. At that age, I didn't understand what narrative tension was, but I certainly felt it.

That really was what made me look forward to these movies, that the characters (which were cool) would get a good treatment. The cartoons were utter shit, I'm sorry. I mean, how many times can I see Beast Man fuck up Skeletor's hopes for victory?

Flash Gordon is still pretty fun.

And actually, while I was out running I thought aobut this more... yeah, that's what I do when I run...

I think the complete shittyness of the cartoons is why people want the movies so bad. The characters were cool, but the stories were so awful that we want to see a good story realized.

I think about the Star Trek reboot or the Dark Knight. These are franchise where the vision of most was realized. That's why Transformers completely bummed me out, and where GI Joe probably sucks.

We want to see Megatron be a real bad ass like he was in the Transformers movie. We want to see the Baroness be a manipulating sexpot and Cobra Commander be a ruthless genious who has world domination at the tip of his fingers. Like it not, that never, ever happened (or even came close) in teh cartoons.

Most of those cartoons were ok... but c'mon... Silverhawks? Even if I was braindamaged, high and distracted by a box full of kittens I would know that the Silverhawks was a crappy show.

Silverhawks was clearly made just to sell toys and no one gave a crap about what went into it.

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Oh, wow, speaking of waiting several years to make a point against someone, and still being wrong about the point.

I guess I should be blunt, and act like you more or less? You’re wrong, shut your shit hole?

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"People sometimes say that ideas cannot be stamped out by force. The Albigensian Crusade proves them wrong. Ideas can be stamped out by the elimination of everyone who holds the ideas." - Quote :"Middle Ages" by Morris Bishop.

Several people, myself included of course, had no trouble letting you know how much of a stupid cunt you were for the mount thing, and it's pretty fucking funny you still believe it. It isn't my problem your computer is a piece of fucking shit or you are too god damn stupid to know how to operate one properly.

I have no problem with kicking you in the fucking face every time you steal my oxygen. I also wish I played on your WoW server back then so I could fucking sit on the mailbox and laugh at you as you joined your PC in complete meltdown.