My Mom's husband died near the end of April. They had been married 8 years. A couple of weeks ago, she told me she was seeing a guy named "Bill". Well, I guess it didn't work out, and now she is dating a guy named "Rick".

I know it is her own choice and whatnot.. but man, seems awful soon to me... am I just being too hard on her? His headstone isn't even up yet.

I hate to judge... It just --- it's awkward.

May, June, July, August ...


It probably doesn't matter... still makes me feel icky though. I miss Jon still.

Bill's not missing a Spongebob pail is he?

lol

I dunno, but I'm getting sick of all my new "uncles".

Maybe she's too old to realize that she isn't really "seeing" him and they really aren't "dating," so you probably don't have anything to worry about. They're probably just fucking.

Your post needed a "smilie"

Everyone deals with death differently and everyone deals with being alone differently.

The most important thing is that she is happy and continuing to live. It must be very hard to have your whole life changed around and to be without a person you had been with for so long.

Mind your business. She's an adult. Problem solved.

(I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's her grief and, as you said, her choice.)

It completely depends on the situation. Most people believe 'about a year' is the "right" number...but it's not really. There are some people who take much longer than that to get through the grieving process before they can even imagine dating again. Some people never start dating again, they simply cannot move through it. I worked with a woman who was a relatively young widow who had lost her husband about six years previous. She wore her wedding rings (and his) and when asked out would tell people she was married. Little strange? IMO yes...but she was happy with it. (And she had been in counseling as well...she simply did not want to date, she had a bunch of kids and had decided not to even think about it 'til they were older).

Some people simply don't do well alone, AND are fantastic people. We've all known of someone who was married 20-50 years, loses their spouse (and it was a love of their life, wonderful marriage situation) and is remarried less than a year later. But people don't generally bitch about this because everyone was concerned if the one spouse was gonna follow the other, and EVERYONE knows how much they loved each other...so people are usually glad.

So, ultimately...it depends on the person. Maybe it is too soon for her, but it's not your place to say so. As long as they are happy, aren't doing anything extremely unhealthy (such as being romanced by a con artist) ...it's simply not your business.

IMO, you're not done mourning (clearly). And it may take you a lot longer because the grief you're experiencing isn't all consuming as it can be for a spouse. You're mourning differently, especially if this person was involved in raising you. Understand that she is still mourning too, and just because she's seeing other men, she's not being disloyal to Jon. Jon is dead, and in all likelyhood assuming he was a nice guy...would want her to be happy.

You should be glad she's doing well and not coming to live with you.

As far as 'uncles' go...you're an adult. They're not your 'uncles'. You have no obligation to interact with them any more than you'd interact with someone a relative was dating. You'll like some, and hate others. But it's all about whether or not she is happy.

_________________

This is one of those subjects where you need to listen to all of the sage advice that people will give you, tell them to shut the fuck, and do what you want (in your mom's case). I got so much bad advice after my divorce from studiously concerned people that it made me want to become a fucking hermit.

Yeah, you guys are right, I think... It still doesn't sit well with me. But, it really isn't any of my business, I guess.

Like others said, there isn't probably a right answer. I would think anything inside of 1 month would be suspicious and anything inside of 2 is a bit odd. Other than that, who's to say.

Not to sound cold, but maybe she wasn't happy in her marriage and although him dying was sad, it might have also been a relief.

I'm with draagun here, 1 guy in a few months afterwards would not be a big deal, but 2 different people in that time frame, well, it seems like desperation as opposed to 'healthy' post trauma relationship. However, support rather then judgement is what she needs at this point.

Out of curiousity... was her husband her first marriage? Or has she been married previously?

_________________

Her last husband was her 4th.

Like I said though, it really doesn't matter if I have a problem with it or not.

My mom does a lot of shit I don't like, but theres nothing I can do about it.

I was talking to my wife the other day about our mothers. She doesn't get along with hers at all. I do "get along" with mine, but if she wasn't my relative, I probably wouldn't have anything to do with her. She's pretty much my polar opposite.

Maybe your mother is just the type of person who simply cannot be alone, and live alone. I had a friend who from the age of 17 until today (at 35) has never gone more than a month without being in some sort of relationship. And there were plenty of relationships where he knew that she simply was not "the one" for him, but he would continue to cling and hold onto it until something else came that was better at that point in time. He dated one of my ex-girlfriends back in college, was together for 4 1/2 years... and he said the last 3 1/2 years were miserable and unhappy. However, he did not/could not be alone, so this is what he had to do.

Some people, like myself, can live/be alone. I was single for a good 8 years at one point, and only recently have gone back into the "dating" world. Sure I would have loved to have been with someone during that time, but it was never a necessity like maybe it is with your mother.

_________________

Maybe she's just a slut.

We need more of them.

Bottom line, as has been said, is that you're an adult, she's an adult, and unless there are young children around that might have issues with a bunch of strange men suddenly floating around, it's none of anyone's business if she decides to bring a parade of Chippendale's dancers home.

Your mom should check herself into a convent and mourn for no less than 35 years before starting to date again.

_________________
Jake Rivers - Senex Legio
Get off my Lawn alliance

As long as these guys aren't abusive and they aren't using her for a free ride, it's her life, IMO.

_________________
Hope is the new black.

Fixed.

People deal with grief differently. When you lose a family member, you have your spouse to help you through it. When you lose your spouse, you have your family to help you, but that isn't the same.

I think there are some underlying issues at play here. Didn't Draagun post something a while back about his mom wanting to buy a townhouse or a timeshare or something and how he had to put his foot down and say no like she was his child?

Actually I think it was him looking to see if condos were a horrible financial decision to keep her from having to live in the poor house. Which really isn't a bad thing.

_________________
Marauder Harabakc Goat

Your mother lost the man who completed her for eight years. The point where she's ready to date again is entirely hers to place, and your job is to intercept people who seek to evaluate the timing of her recovery on moral terms, and remind them of that. No one on this planet misses that man more than she does; screw the self-righteous spectators color-commenting her grief.

Dr. Drew has spoken.

Yeah. That's about the most fire you get out of me on the Internet anymore. Maybe I spent it all.