Here comes my story. I feel bad re-reading it. It's kind of shameful.
One of my guilty pleasures nowadays is that I like to drink a bunch of beer and zone out while playing WoW. I usually like to do it on a Friday or Saturday night after drinkin' at the bar while watchin' the game or going out to eat with family or friends. This happens very rarely though, maybe once a month, if that.
EQ was a different ballgame though. I started playing in 1999 when I was just an obnoxious 16 year old asshole who thrived on the anonymity of the Internet and the game, also impunity that went along with it. I played for about 4 years, so until I was about 20. Zerath and Icecap and Furryfists brought me into it. I remember rolling Malorian up and being stuck in Qeynos for a few days. I deleted him and started in Freeport instead.
Over the years I know that I sacrificed a lot but I also worked from home as a web developer starting around 17, so I kind of was able to do my own thing and that helped rationalize how much time I spent playing. If it wasn't playing EQ it would have been something else that was equally as addictive. It could have been drugs like weed (which I've never smoked, despite people thinking I'm wacked out of my skull) or heavy(ier) drinking, or whatever else...
I did it all though, I smoked, drank 2 liters of soda at my desk constantly, ate really shitty foods like pizza and french fries non-stop, packed on a good 30lbs, zoned out and ignored my wife, often times getting in arguments with her about not wanting to stop playing or come to bed, etc, I stayed up all hours of the night...
Staying up wasn't a huge issue because I made my own schedule anyways, but often times I was so tired during the day that I couldn't play with my daughter or spend time with my wife. I was a real loser, I must admit.
I feel like I missed out on some things because of EQ, but I also enjoyed the social aspects of the game and I still appreciate the community we have here today. I know that being able to work from home and having a pre-school aged daughter was a blessing. Most people would kill for an opportunity like that, and I took advantage of it some times but not as often as I wish I could have now that I'm much busier in comparison. =( I still like a lot of the people I met in Oryx, Conquest, Visions, FL, Auxilium, the list goes on and on, but I mean if I had it to do all over again I probably would have never played and stuck to my PS1 games. There are a lot of great people around here but I'm not sure the sacrifices I made are worth it.
I mean there's not much I can do about it now so I am fine with it, and I am able to enjoy the people around here, because I can't possibly hold a grudge against a video game let alone the people that made it so fun to play. They were all my actions and choices, they were just influenced by something.
I think this may partially be a reason why I'm a pretty confident person now, and often seen as a braggard. I just know that I used to be a huge loser that was the completely stereotypical EQ degenerate nerd. I hate that part of my past, and I'm truly glad that I've moved on to better things and don't have the same vices following me around.
I am a big fan of the saying "The only growth that matters is upward. Like a Redwood tree, not a kudzu vine."
In addition to that, my in game actions earned me a reputation, and I'm still fighting the rep I earned in EQ too on these boards -- while it's not the same one I'm also confronted with another of being a stuck up asshole because when I feel insecure about being a lamer or lame in comparison to someone else, I have to prove that I'm not the same as I used to be, and that only aggrivates things.
Anyhow, current day...
I have members of my family, namely my sister, who play WoW compulsively, and I'm always so negative about MMO's because of how I used to be with them. I mean, I LOVE World of Warcraft. But I hate what it has done to my family. I tell them that it's just an escalator, there's no real winning, it's the same shit just a different day or name. They see me as jaded, I guess. And maybe I am.
My brother-in-law and sister just play a fucking ton. My brother-in-law works from home (telecommuting doing software devel. for a bank or something) and makes good money. So, I have almost zero issues there. I mean he's about 33 and they have no kids, and aren't planning on any, so I mean what else is he gonna do? They also like to cook, watch movies, so that have a fairly normal social life.
The real bone I have to pick is with my sister. She's 27, doesn't have a job, though she should because while he makes good money, it's not GREAT. They could use it. She lost her job in May, and was "searching" for a couple weeks, but then it just kind of stopped being talked about. She also went to college for a couple years outta high school at one of the state universities here in AZ and then one in Utah cuz we moved there, but she stopped going about 2 years into it.
When I see that it just pisses me off because that's a slump that can really demotivate someone from doing anything. I used to talk to her about it but now she just starts saying stuff like "Well yeah I'm just a loser who plays WoW all day..." to offset the thought that she really IS a loser. I mean it's like if she says it first then no one can use it against her. I wouldn't ever pit that against her but I want her to realize that it's a bad spot and I know from experience -- that it can get worse.
Now I'm 24. I play WoW literally like, 2 hours max a week. I have other hobbies, and things that are more important right now. I have nothing against MMOs, really -- I just know their influence they can have on the decisions and choices people make.
Fin.
|