I don't care if this gets read or not. I just need to write. For those that do read this, I am sorry for the rambling. I have questions in my head, I can't sleep and sometimes I feel that writing helps me.

My wife just lost one of her best friends today. She died of cancer. She was in her mid-40's. She had no clue that she had cancer until about a month ago when she went in to the hospital for dizziness. It was then that they found the brain tumors. They were inoperable. The doctor said that he thought it spread from her lungs. According to her husband she didn't have a troubling cough or other symptoms. She never smoke or drank and according to my wife she even saved herself until marriage - she was married just over ten years ago. She and her husband didn't have children because they were taking care of their parents -who they lost over the past couple years. This was a person that was kind to everyone that she met. She accepted me simply because my wife thought I was a good person, so that was enough for me to be in her good graces.

Why?

Tonight I also found out that a childhood friend of mine took his own life. We were close at times and then life took us to our different places. He felt that he was bringing pressure and pain to his family so he did what he thought would end the pain for his family.

Two people who never knew each other, living two lives that possibly could not be more opposite and both having their life ended within 24 hours of each other. And both of their lives touching my family.

The loss of my wife's friend is deeply troubling. Why does a person that lived like we are supposed to have their life cut so short and in such a manner that she was hardly able to do anything over the last few weeks of her life?

There are fires burning nearly uncontrolled about 100 miles west of here. I read in the paper people are saying "God only gives us what we can handle."
What God gives people destruction? What God gives us death as a blessing? What God gives us a church that is only used by others to break people down? What does it matter? Where is the spirit when it seems only to be used in a manner that brings others down? My church is in turmoil, so much so that it pains me to even walk in the door. This bothers me because this is the second time that I feel like my church has been taken away by other members of the church. Maybe I was right when I was younger to not believe in church.

If you are still reading this, don't worry about me. I have to be the rock for my family and I will be. I hurt but I plan on still being there for my wife, my kids and the rest of my family for a long time.

McAdoo, brother I hope that you are at peace.
Cynthia, you were a blessing and you will be missed.

I have tears reading this. I cannot pretend to understand your pain. I am so sorry you have to experience this, and I hope in time you can be comforted.

I know your comments about God are in the middle of your grief and it isn't the time to discuss them, but it is questions like that which have forced me down the road to agnosticism / atheism. I do not have answers for them aside from, "perhaps that God simply doesn't exist." I'll say no more, because it isn't really the point of your post. If believing in God can give you comfort, then please simply ignore me.

I will be thinking of you.

Even rocks sometimes need a place to lean.

Sometimes when a grief is piled atop another grief which is all layered atop worries and concerns even the toughest people need to find a way to reach out and be heard. I hope you either have or will find a way to both be the rock for your family while they are also there for you.

I will be thinking of you.

In times like you are experiencing questioning your faith is normal. I won't pretend to have answers, I think of faith as deeply personal and ultimately you will find your own truths. I would like to recommend a book that might help you: The Shack by Wm Paul Young. It is a very thought-provoking fictional story that finds a way to make you think with a clarity that is sometimes hard to find without directly telling you what to conclude.

thanks guys

There's no greater understanding of your own mortality when you realize this is all the time you have and there's very likely nothing beyond this. Take every day you get and treat it like the amazing happenstance that it is, and treat your fellow man with the same respect. The only thing you leave behind is your legacy.

I have had questions like this in my past. It is very hard to understand why things happen sometimes. And sometimes there are no answers for these questions.

I know this is fiction, but I recommend a book for you to read. It is very good and makes you think a little bit. It's not too long, in fact I read it in one day at the beach while on vacation a few weeks ago.

The book is call "The Shack" written by William P. Young.

Very interesting read and will make you think about these types of situations.

***Edit***
I just realized that Kula gave you the same advice for a book that I did. I sincerely hope you read this book and it helps.

Just kind of wondering if anyone read the book that myself and Kula recommended and what they thought of it.

I bought the book, it is on my nightstand to read.

How was the book Krby did you get to it by anychance?

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