|
I suppose it is only fair I give you an update. I divorced the bitch last month. As a form of my venting, I thought of a few things that I will pay more attention to for any future woman I date...
- When she has a coke problem before you get married, that's a sign.
- When she can't decide between two guys and bounces back and forth between the two for 5 months, that's a sign.
- When she gains 30 pounds in 6 weeks, and she isn't pregnant, that's a sign.
- When you first meet her, she asks you for your number, and then 15 minutes later is making out with another dude for all of the world to see, that's a sign.
- When the guy who introduces you to her has been fuck buddies with her for almost 2 years while he has had a girlfriend the whole time, that's a sign.
- When she admits to snorting over 20 lines of coke with her seedy friends during her last night in Athens, then flies to Japan, and immediately starts looking up orgy porn on the computer for the first few days, that's a sign.
- When you totally shun her and she asks you to marry her, that's a sign. (Yeah…I am still the dumb ass who said yes.)
- When she gets to your next duty station with a $1000 Verizon cell phone bill because she "just had to talk to him" before she left the other guy behind, that's a sign.
- When she invites said guy to come out to Japan while I am on an 8-month deployment to Gulf, that’s a sign.
- When her man-hating mom hates men…and spends all of her free-time knitting, that's a sign.
- When she tells you one thing and then tells everyone else another thing, that's a sign.
- When her own sister-in-laws who have each known her for over 10 years profess that they had no idea she had clinical depression, and she admits to faking her happy mood all these years, and those sister-in-laws coin the phrase “First Impression Heather” as a result, that’s a sign.
- When she puts on her "first impression" act in front of everyone and then instantly returns to her normally "not-so-cheery" self after everyone is gone, that's a sign.
- When she doesn't tell you she is clinically depressed until a few months after you are married, that's a sign.
- When she refuses to go on meds to help correct said clinical depression because her mom doesn't believe in going to the doctor or using medications, that's a sign.
- When her parents don't believe her that she has had depression since she was 12 and they tell her she doesn't need medications and that she just needs to turn to Jesus for help, that's a sign.
- When the only way you can describe her in three words is - Jekyll and Hyde, that’s a sign.
- When she has to reduce every conversation into a screaming match because “that’s just the way (she) was raised to talk in her family”, that's a sign.
- When she is willing to have sex with you only 5 times in nearly 2 years, that's a sign.
- When she says her anti-depressant medications are the only reason why she has no sex drive, then comes off of said meds nearly 6 months ago, yet has not had sex with you anytime after she came off the meds, that's a sign.
- When you try to hold her or give her kisses and she just stands there half-heartedly hold you back and not returning any affection, that's a sign.
- When she spends over 1000 minutes talking to one dude in two weeks while you are on deployment, that's a sign.
- When she manually deletes over 100 phone call entries both called and received (when the phone only holds the last 120 calls) during that two week deployment to a guy who is "just her friend" and that she "isn't trying to hide", that's a sign.
- When she called and received over 200 calls (according to the hard copy Verizon phone bill) to and from this "friend she is not trying to hide" in the two weeks you were on deployment, that's a sign.
- When she always goes out to the porch to talk on the phone, even if the call lasts only 1 minute, that's a sign.
- When she jerks her head to see if you are coming down the hallway every time she is talking on the phone, that's a sign.
- When she is saying things to a man on the other end of the phone that no married woman should ever be saying to a man who is not her husband, that's a sign.
- When she comes home from work almost every day saying, "Oh, everyone at work is bitching at me and (that guy) because we're hanging out and stuff," that's a sign.
- When she decides to downgrade from you and hooks up with a dude who is a multiple felon who spent 9 months in jail the year prior...and has two illegitimate kids, that's a sign.
- When her cat likes you before you go on deployment and then for absolutely no reason hates you when you come back, that's a sign.
- When she brings over $80,000 of debt into a marriage and only ponies up $420 in the three years that you have been married to help pay off those bills, even though she had a job 90% of the time during that 3-year period, that's a sign.
- When she would rather spend all of her free-time knitting or making things on her loom, that's a sign.
- When she acts like a complete drama queen over the most trivial things, such as a DVD case falling out of your hands and falling onto the carpet, that's a sign.
- When you go to cuddle with her on the couch and she tells you that she is inconvenienced by your intrusion, that's a sign.
- When she is asking you two days after you returned from a 3+ month long deployment when you are going back out on deployment, that’s a sign.
- When she refers to you as “The Space Invader” three days after you return from a 3+ month long deployment, that’s a sign.
- When you miss her and give her a call to tell her that you love her at 1:20pm and she tells you not to call her between 1-2pm because her "soap is on", that's a sign.
- When you see that she is *exactly* like her mother, and her mother hates her own husband, that's a sign.
- When her own father is absolutely miserable because of his relationship with her mother, that's a sign.
- When almost all of the money she makes goes to buying yarn, that's a sign.
- When she insists everyone around her acknowledges that she is a "princess" and refers to her with said title, that's a sign.
- When she starts going out with "the guys from work" the very day you decide that divorce is the best thing to do every night for 3 days straight and the last night doesn't even come home until 8am because she "fell asleep on his couch," that's a sign.
- When she says, "We're only married on paper," that's a sign.
That’s just scratching the surface.
|
, and I don't imagine yours is either. 
